For the first two weeks after Hadley was born, life with a toddler & a newborn in the house was relatively easy. But that had a LOT to do with the fact that Derek was home on paternity leave& my mom was staying with us...and the fact that Hadley was such an easy-going, content, and sleepy newborn...basically the polar opposite of her big sister. ;) For the first three months of Shelby's life, she pretty much only slept if she was in our arms. Hadley, on the other hand, would sleep anywhere and everywhere for the first two week...she would even sleep right through Shelby smothering her in hugs & kisses. ;)
The things that struck me the most in those first few days of Hadley's life were how much she slept {we actually had to wake her up for feedings--I never could have imagined doing that with Shelby!}& how much Shelby loved her.
Then fast forward to weeks 3 & 4, and that's when things got interesting. Ha! Before Hadley was born, I knew the transition from one to two little ones would be difficult but it's one of things that you can't really prepare yourself for. Unfortunately, right around the same time Derek went back to work {on night float..ugh} & my mom left to head home. I went from having lots of help to suddenly being on my own. And that also happens to be right around the time when Hadley's newborn sleepiness was starting to wear off, and she was having a lot more wakeful times. I thought the hardest part of parenting two small children would be the times when they both needed me simultaneously; while that has been difficult, the hardest part for me has been the guilt. Oh my word, the guilt. I constantly felt {and still do feel} guilty. Guilty that I have to leave Shelby to play by herself while I rock Hadley to sleep for naps. Guilty that I'm not holding Hadley enough when I'm tending to Shelby's needs. Guilty that I can't do as many arts & crafts projects with Shelby b/c I almost always have a baby in my arms. Guilt, guilt, guilt. Another really challenging part of mothering two small children is the fatigue. Sure, I was tired when Shelby was a newborn. But it was just me & her, so it was easier to handle. Now when I'm exhausted, I have to care for a newborn and have patience with a toddler...and having patience with a toddler can be hard to do on a good day, and it's nearly impossible to do on little sleep. Because I'm so utterly sleep-deprived and exhausted on some days, I find myself snapping at Shelby for things that would normally be no big deal. Then I feel guilty for snapping at her. It's a vicious cycle really.
During our first outing as just the 3 of us girls to Chick-fil-a when Hadley was 3 weeks old, the guilt overwhelmed me & I sat there and cried in the booth while I ate my chicken sandwich. I was feeling guilty for lugging Hadley all over town for Shelby's activities b/c when Shelby was a baby we always had her home in her crib for naps. But even more so, I was feeling guilty about Shelby. Hadley was crying when we sat down to eat, so I had to hold her while Shelby ate. So by the time Shelby was done eating & ready to play, I hadn't even gotten a chance to eat yet. So for the first time ever, I let Shelby go into the play area by herself. It killed me to let her go in there alone, but I had just gotten Hadley asleep in my arms and I still needed to eat my food. So I sat and watched Shelby play through the window while I ate & held Hadley. Shelby was playing with 2 other little girls that were a little older than her, and as I watched her play I started to cry. I'm still not sure exactly what brought me to tears, but I was just overwhelmed with emotions--proud of Shelby's bravery to go in there without me, proud of Shelby for holding her own with the "big kids," guilty for not being in there with her. When I was finally done eating & had Hadley settled back down in her carseat, I went into the play area. Shelby looked at me proudly and said: "Look at all my friends, Mama!" She was seriously having the time of her life, and I was holding back more tears as I realized how grown up my first baby is.
The things that stand out in my mind the most from weeks 3 & 4 are how hard it was to find time for a shower {and I thought it was hard to shower when it was just Shelby..ha!}, the guilt guilt guilt, how wonderful it feels when they both nap at the same time in the afternoon {that didn't/doesn't happen every day, but a couple days each week their naps overlapped by about 2 hours..leaving me with two hours to MYSELF! I never knew how good that would feel!!} Something else that has surprised me about having a toddler & a newborn was how Shelby has handled me nursing. I had read on lots of other blogs how people had "nursing baskets" to keep their toddler entertained/out of trouble while the mom is nursing. I had contemplated creating a nursing basket for Shelby, but this has been such a non-issue for us. Hadley is usually happy/content while nursing, so Shelby and I can have conversations, I can read to her, etc. The most challenging thing for us is naps. It's too hard to keep Shelby quiet while I'm rocking Hadley to sleep, so I usually have to leave her downstairs by herself to play while I take Hadley upstairs for nap. It usually takes me about 10 minutes to get Hadley down, but it feels like an eternity when I've left Shelby alone. The first couple days when it was just us girls, Shelby handled this "independent play" really well. But now, the novelty of it all is starting to wear off for Shelby. Today as I was rocking Hadley to sleep for one of her naps, I looked over and Shelby had creeped up the stairs and was just sitting there staring at me longingly without saying a word b/c she knew she had to be quiet. It seriously about broke my heart. I know she needs to be able to play by herself, but the both of us are still getting adjusted to the fact that I can no longer give her my undivided attention. Some days are better than others, but today was just a hard day b/c Hadley hasn't been able to nap for longer than 30 minutes at a time so it feels like I'm constantly rocking Hadley to sleep which means Shelby is feeling neglected for a big chunk of the day.
Having a newborn & a toddler is definitely hard work, but these sweet girls make it worth it all. I can't wait to see their relationship grow in the days, months, & years to come!
You're doing great Sarah. Guilt is definitely a daily thing around here too but it sounds like to me you are handling your new life with two beautifully.
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