Inside My Head

I'm constantly thinking, worrying, or over-analyzing something. It's one of my least favorite personality traits about myself. Thankfully, with the whole move/baby situation happening this summer, I've been weirdly laid back about it all...which has been a huge blessing. But with our time here in San Antonio quickly winding down, I have started trying to plan a little for our new house. I use the term planning loosely b/c we still don't know for sure where we're moving, much less how many bedrooms we'll be working with once we get there. But our hope/tentative plan is for all 3 kiddos to have their own room. We obviously have all of the nursery furniture, but we needed to just pick out some new boy bedding & wall décor for the new baby. Derek & I have been planning to get new furniture/bedding for our master bedroom when we move, and we're going to pass our current furniture off to Shelby. We will be starting from scratch on Hadley's "big girl room" b/c she is still in the nursery until we move. That's a lot of decorating for someone who doesn't particularly enjoy decorating. ;)  Plus, that doesn't even take into account curtains. Oh my word, the curtains. We had one single pair of curtains from our house in Biloxi that we were able to reuse here in San Antonio. We had to start from scratch on everything else b/c of the differing window sizes in the living room & bedrooms. I'm seriously keeping my fingers crossed that curtains won't be a whole ordeal for this next move!!!!!

I was feeling good about our progress b/c we got Baby Boy's bedding picked out & ordered from Pottery Barn Kids last week, and we have several strong contenders for Hadley's new bedding thanks to the new Pillowfort line at Target. We plan to wait to order everything else once we're in our new house, but we wanted to go ahead and get the baby's stuff done now b/c we have bad luck with things being backordered on PBK.

Since I'm not a huge fan of "themed" nurseries, this was seriously like one of two bedding options we had. Everything else was covered in cars, trucks, animals, or sports.

But for some reason, even after making progress, I was starting to feel overwhelmed about everything we're going to have to do once we get to the new house. All of the decorating, organizing, getting a new car, HAVING A BABY...you get the idea. ;)  Being inside my head was not a fun place to be. Thankfully, our current series at church helped put things in perspective. Last weekend at church, our pastor preached about this verse:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Matthew 6:25

 

It was such a sweet & timely reminder that all this stuff I was worrying about was just stuff--it's not what really matters. And if that wasn't enough, yesterday the sermon was all about how we spend our time is how we spend our life.

 

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90

 

All I could think about sitting in church yesterday as our pastor talked about how our days here on Earth are numbered was a sweet family from Shelby's school. As you may or may not have heard in the news, a commander was shot & killed at Lackland AFB on Friday morning. Upon first hearing there was a shooter on base, my immediate thoughts were surrounding Derek and his proximity to what was going on. When I heard later that day that the officer who lost his life was a Lieutenant Colonel and left behind a wife & two kids, I was obviously heartbroken for the family. But as insensitive as this may sound, I assumed that b/c the officer was so high-ranking his kids would most likely be older. And even though this tragic event would be devastating for them, I felt a little better thinking that the kids would still have memories of their dad and be able to understand what happened {as much as you can understand a senseless act of violence}. But then on Saturday, when the identity of the officer was released, I soon heard from Shelby's school that the officer was the father of one of Selby's classmates. I completely lost it when I heard the news. Of course we all know in the back of our mind that any one of us could lose our lives at any given time just driving down the road, but for some reason this just hit too close to home. My heart ached for this mama who I see three mornings & three afternoons every week on my way to drop off & pick up Shelby. The tears flowed as I thought what must have gone through her head upon hearing the news. How did she cope in those initial moments & hours without any family around? I think it all just hit me so hard b/c my life so closely mirrored hers up until Friday morning--we're both stay at home moms of two young kids, we both had hubbies working at Lackland without any family nearby, we both live in the same Alamo Ranch community. I just kept thinking, she got the worst possible news in the world, yet she still has to pick her kids up from preschool, feed them lunch, go through the bedtime routine, and somehow explain to her babies what happened to their daddy. I would think about how this event would shape the rest of their lives--the kids growing up without their dad--and then I would think about how this event would change the little minute details of their day-to-day life, and that was got me the most. As Derek was making our usual Sunday breakfast of pancakes, I just kept thinking "What if their Daddy always made breakfast on Sundays?" Thinking about this family was almost paralyzing for me at times this weekend, it was just too much.

I wish I had some eloquent way to wrap up this post, but I just don't. My emotions are too raw at this point. I'm simply heartbroken for this precious mama & her two sweet boys. If you think about it, please keep them in your prayers!